So I have done a little bit of a Martin Reed lately, in the sense of lack of bloggage. There are a few reasons to this:
1) I was on a mid-semester break from uni.
b) Due to me being on said break, I didnt really need any major form of procrastination from doing assessment
4) I am awesome.
So, second day back at uni and it is my eventful lunchtime hour in the bar which gave me something to write about. I also plan to experiment with bolding/italicising/underlining/colours etc after discovering a “show/hide kitchen sink” option.
So here goes, with all my topics somehow falling under the ‘H’ umbrolly.
Horoscopes:
So this is my eventful story from said lunch in bar. James had some foreign, never-before-seen-by-my-eyes magazine about who knows what. I would be able to tell you however I only took the horoscopes (or as they have titled it, “General Outlook”) section.
Now me being the lazy person I am, I tried to google it so I could post a link however that failed. I also needed to procrastinate from writing an 8 minute talk for cell physiology, so killing two birds with one stone, I have typed it out. Yay. Unfortunately i ripped the top part, so I do know it has something to do with Sunday 12 October. Possibly when the week ended for this horoscope? Not too sure.
Aquarius (20 Jan – 18 Feb): A man with 20/20 vision and a glass eye in his anus will come to your house this week. Then, using what is clearly a fake Canadian accent, he will insist that he is actualy you. “There’s been some sort of mix up,” he’ll say. Then he’ll try to climb into you pants while you’re still wearing them.
Pisces (19 Feb – 20 Mar): Home renovations are never easy. And with you in charge, DIY is more likely to end up with you DOA if you get my point. Your plan to install a toaster in your bath, so you can bathe and eat toast at the same time, is both impractical and incredibly dangerous.
Aries (21 Mar – 20 Apr): With your appearance in one of those ‘gang bang’ pornos now common knowledge amongst your family, it’s time to stop feeling guilty (after all, you were merely listed in the credits as ‘Pervert #115′) and start asking why your parents were watching the movie in the first place.
Taurus (21 Apr – 20 May): This week you will begin a deeply passionate sexual relationship with a dripping tap. This will be extremely hot stuff, but you’ll also find it impossible to get any sleep, because you will be trying to sleep next to a dripping tap. Perhaps have a threesome with some earplugs?
Gemini (21 May – 20 June): Remember to fill in your time sheet correctly if you are expecting to get paid this week. Also, remember not to firebomb your boss’s car, offer him a ride home, then kill him and bury him in the bush. That is, if you want more shifts next week.
Cancer (21 June – 21 July): Have you been carrying a gun everywhere you go, like I told you? Because if you’re not ’strapped’, some fool could creep up on you and blow the back of your goddamn head off. You might think I’m being over-cautious, but believe me, people want you dead.
Leo (22 July – 21 Aug): You will suffer an online identity theft this week, but once the thief realises what a narrow, pathetic little life you have, he will happily return your identity to you. This may lead you to feeling kind of depressed, but hey, at least you’ll be feeling something!
Virgo (22 Aug – 21 Sept): When your cat gets the lead role in a cat food commercial, he will officially be earning more money than you do. If this makes you feel inadequate: GOOD! What kind of person earns less than their cat? You need to start auditioning for some pet food commercials and fast.
Libra (22 Sept – 22 Oct): ‘A robin red breast in a cage, puts all of heaven in a rage’. This is a powerful piece of verse and the perfect way to begin a letter to the convict you met through Prison Pen Pal Service. Sadly, the convict is insane, on the loose and coming to your house.
Scorpio (23 Oct – 21 Nov): Now that we’ve accepted that you aren’t some think necked footy player arsehole, maybe you can stop starting every working week with an out of control ‘Mad Monday’ celebration. After all, you work in I.T and this behaviour is intensely inappropriate.
Sagittarius (22 Nov – 20 Dec): So exactly what does human flesh taste like? I ask you, because by the end of this week, you’ll have the answer. When your train to work breaks down, the passengers will be forced to hold down a weaker commuter and eat him alive. Damn these delays!
Capricorn (21 Dec – 19 Jan): Now that you know what it feels like to have sex with a corpse, you will find yourself walking around with an added dash of confidence. You’ll be wittier, more entertaining, a natural speechmaker and leader among men. Except you also stink of dead body.
Now onto the rest of my uninteresting ‘H’ topics.
Hayfever
I am one of those lucky people that get to experience the sneezles and the sniffles associated with pretty flowers and all that jazz. Ever since high school, there has been a trend in my hayfever experiences. Every second year I get it really bad, the sneezing, itchy eyes etc. Every other year I seem to have no symptoms, besides the occasional sneeze here and there. Last year I was fine, and so I was expecting this year to be the sneezy year. Seems like I had the right expectations. Today in the afternoon I think I sneezed enough times that if, hypothetically, every time I sneezed, a litre of water would appear in the dam somehow (not via rain clouds as I am not a fan of rain – due to the whole “Then I have to use an umbrella” issue). So if my sneeze = a litre of water, we would no longer be in a drought. We would be submerged under water. So now I have the sneezles. It is lame
Happydance
This was the best word I could think of that started with H for this topic. I have 30 days left of uni (including exam period) and then I am free for the rest of the year (with the exception of possible tests/interviews for university courses next year). I am looking forward to that a lot (the holiday that is – hmm holiday starts with H.. anyway ill leave it as happydance). I wont have to worry about any uni work, and can catch up with friends, go on road trips and all the fun inbetween, and maybe even make those jelly pool swimming/icecream on head making wishes come true 
.
Harry Morgan
So that’s the first thing that came to my mind when I thought of Dexter and something starting with H. I finally got around to seeing the whole second season of Dexter (Tues-Wed .. and the video store has it as a weekly rental pft). Was awesome. I even went and bought the second book in the holidays to read. My reasoning for purchasing the second was that the first was the idea behind the first season of the Tv show, and since I had seen the 1st season, I would know what happens. Boy was I wrong. Characters in the book were dead and I had no clue, so I ended up going buying the 1st book as well. I started reading it, but unfortunately didnt finish it and now that uni is back I cant see myself reading it till after exams 
. Also I am still on the hunt for yellow nail polish, because the one I stole from my sister is a little old and streaky/clumpy looking. But it does work for the purpose of my dexterising nails.
Hotmail
So I get emails however the time is one hour slow – ever since daylight savings. Anybody know how to fix this? It annoys me :@. Especially with facebook wall posts, It says someone wrote on my wall at say 7:00 pm but in actual fact it was 8:00 pm :S I thought computers were meant to be smarter than this. ;p
Hoodies
I finally bought my jumper the other day. Saw the sign saying 25% off the reduced price so that meant that the jumper, overall was more that 50% off the original price. Yay. So went to purchase it, and got charged the discounted price, not the extra 25% off price. Turns out it was off “selected items”, however no one knew what the selected items were so I got it for the 25% off. Yay. When I purchased it, the lady told me to hold on to the reciept incase it wasnt the right size. wtf? I knew it was the right size, I tried it on!. Maybe it’s because it was from the men’s section and she thought I was purchasing it for somoene else… That or she thought i was fat! Now one might say what is the point of buying a jumper going into summer?. Well for your information, it has been muggy gross icky weather the last two days and my jumper has already come of use. That and it is super snuggly (at least I find it is hehe).
Now 1 hour later I think I have finished a procrastination task, experimented with colours/texts/fonts on this blog (I hope) and hardly sneezed.
That my friend is what I call a successful hour 
And yes, the title has nothing to do with this entry, except that it continues my H theme.
